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October 3, 2006
Keeping a Promise
Sunday evening I left the hospital, in preparation of flying back to DC on Monday. I didn't know how to say goodbye to Dave, even though my goodbye might be my final one. So I told him I'd see him soon, saying that I'd return to Denver at the end of the work week. "I'll see you soon," I repeated, two or three times, not sure how to fill the deafening silence. Then out of nowhere, I added, "I promise."
I hadn't planned on saying that; it just came out. As soon as I said it, though, I started to regret it, knowing that there was no way I could know whether I would see him alive again. Yet saying goodbye - the final Goodbye - seemed out of the question as well. I felt that if Dave thought I was saying Goodbye with a capital G, it would tell him that I didn't expect him to live. I'm still not sure I will, but I knew in my heart he needed that hope. Not just the hope in seeing me again, but seeing all of us again.
Still, my sudden exhortation of "I promise" might have gone too far, since I don't know what will happen between now and Friday. Fortunately, Dave has started to show some small, but important gains. His organs are working stronger. His fever is staying down. They even took him off the ventilator for 90 minutes yesterday - something that would have killed him 24 hours earlier. For the first time all week, the doctors are saying that there is a small chance he may pull through this. It won't be easy, but then again, they didn't expect him to make it through last Friday night. One doctor said he was "astonished" by Dave's improvement, but warns that he's hardly out of the woods yet.
Now I'm home with the cats, back at work for a few days, eagerly awaiting each call from Susanne. So far, so good. And if Dave keeps fighting like hell, perhaps I'll be able to keep my promise after all. -andy
Posted by acarvin at October 3, 2006 2:42 PM
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